85) The Clock of Thomas Street, D8
NOW PERMANENTLY CLOSED.
Wondrous and very roomy local on Thomas Street [1] in the heart of the Liberties, renowned in former times for a crowded and melodious aviary that stood out the back – since disbanded and the feathery occupants dispersed god knows where. The same backyard area has a beguilingly 'backstage' feel, like standing in the wings among the debris of backdrops and onstage props waiting for the performance to begin.
Within one may regard the sculpted bust of what must have been a onetime regular or some sort of sports figure, glowering from a shelf and topped off by a baseball cap covering the eyes – the lower half of the face, with the cupid's bow lips, evokes unforgettably the image of none other and no less than actor Michael Keaton (Michael Keaton!) – a resemblance dissolved once the cap is removed and a standard counter-dwelling gorilla is revealed.
“Nobody has sex with my wife but me.” - Michael Keaton, Multiplicity
The Clock is also of mild historical interest as it was reputedly here that the United Irishmen regularly met in the course of planning the 1803 rebellion. Photos on the wall include (presumed non-regulars) Samuel Beckett, Sean O'Casey, Cyril Cusack, Noel Purcell, Michael MacLiammoir and Hilton Edwards, as well as the celebrated Dublin character 'Bang-Bang' who used to startle tourists on buses by brandishing his set of church keys like a loaded gun, firing blanks. Beamish is €3.90, a further feather in the cap of the Clock (NOT ANYMORE. SEE UPDATE BELOW). To be strictly avoided on certain days (generally Sundays, so the trend seems to be) when the karaoke inside gets overbearingly loud and lousy.
We were once accosted outside by an unhealthy regular with alarmingly blue, Smurf-like hands veering into purple – blood circulation at a premium. He affected not to understand Sam Coll's accent (but was very happy to offer unwanted hairstyling advice to the balding youth), and relied on Andrew Stephens for translation. The parlour on the immediate right holds the best seats much irradiated owing to the front window views. People-watching here is addictive as one may directly see the Thomas Street/Meath Street intersection. A very fine local to which we have returned many, many times. Alas! Thanks to Covid’s Metamorphoses in 2020, pre-booking and the enforced purchase of foul food is now prerequisite. No thanks to Tom Hanks.
Sorrowful Update as of November 2021: Ducked in to take a sneaky tipple and asked for a Beamish to which the barman replied: ‘Sorry, we’re not doing Beamish for the moment, most of our customers who drank the stuff are dead.’ For stout they stock Guinness for €4.80 or if you’re a real wanker you’ll order an Island’s Edge - the new weak stout made by Heineken aimed at replacing Beamish. Shame on The Clock! The precious liquid - Ireland’s original stout - is almost completely unavailable anywhere in the Liberties where it ought to be thriving. One hopes it doesn’t disappear completely. If you’re after a Beamo go around to The Lord Edward (who stuck to their guns and never installed Island’s Edge) or further up the road to Guinans (see: J.K. Stoutman’s).
Further update as of February 2023: THE CLOCK HAS FINALLY STOPPED. The pub, which was an institution in its own right, has closed permanently - rumoured to be soon taken over and turned into another McDonald’s-style pub much like what happened to Baker’s across the road. In the end, they coudn’t even give away their Island’s Edge - and pushed it as a ‘Closing Special: €3 a pint!’ First the aviary was gotten rid of, then the Beamish, and closure only seemed inevitable. Sad to see it go. R.I.P.
Melancholy pintman stares into space and contemplates mortality
FOOTNOTE
[1] The latest addition (as of August 2020) to open on this street (being either brave or stupid enough to do so during Covid-19) is a pub called John’s Bar and Haberdashery. Albeit located opposite John’s Lane Church, it’s named after a John Creeth - a haberdasher who ran his shop here in the 1850s. (The name is also in keeping with the current business chain, but more on that in a moment). The grand opening was delayed by some 18 months while a full archaeological excavation was undertaken given the historical importance of the area. Over 4000 artifacts were uncovered underneath the property including medieval pottery, animal bones, tools, leathers, and ivory (all of which are now in the National Museum). Old wooden beams were also uncovered and one bearing Creeth’s name can now be seen overhead on entry. The history is rich here at 61 Thomas Street and according to their website: ‘The buildings themselves date from the 1600s, where number 61 was found to be a brewhouse and malthouse in 1686, and next door at 62 was ‘The Blue Boar Inn’ in the 1690s.’ Today, the exterior is vapid and madly modern but inside is a mock-olde-worlde affair doubling as a grocers and an actual haberdashery (with related items on sale). Wooden nooks and crannies aplenty as well as a couple of false snugs can be found. Unfortunately for food, it has a Wowburger. Finally, John’s is the brother of two sisters: Mary’s (Bar of Wicklow Street) and Anne’s (Bar of Essex Street East). Mary, Anne and John, one big wet family.
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